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Monday, July 5, 2010

It ain't easy being a big kids' mom!

It's Mommy Confessions Monday! If this is your first time go HERE first.

There's only one rule. That we comment to encourage, and not judge. Opinions are definitely welcome, but keep the point of posting to lift other mommies up, not tear them down.

Be sure to share if you're going through the same struggles or situation. This is safe place for us to unload!

Please grab my "Mommy Confessions Monday" meme to post along with your confession, and be sure to link up!

Do not let an unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for building others others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29



My confession this morning is that I really struggle being a big kids' mom. My oldest will be 12 in September, and I'm just going to come right and say it, he's driving me nuts! If any of you have gotten to know me over the past month or so you know I have a heart for my kids, and love them more than life itself. However, I just feel like pulling my hair out over my oldest every day minute of the day!

My oldest is the most loving, caring kid you could meet. He's absolutely brilliant. I know he's mine and everything, but he really is. His intelligence is almost a disability for him. Last year, he was diagnosed with ADHD. After being in the psychiatrist's office for all of 45 minutes I was not convinced, but we decided lost many nights of sleep trying to figure out the right thing to do. We made the choice to try medication.

Let me just add this disclaimer: We didn't base the choice to try meds solely on this visit. We have had years of struggles with him since 1st grade, and going into 5th grade facing the same problems we thought we needed to try to see if that was a solution for him. We found out very soon it wasn't!

(Can I just say I HATE FLIES! There's one buzzing around while I'm typing! UGH!!)

 After a short trial period of meds we noticed only negative side affects, and saw that most of the concerns we had were not being helped. We felt like he's an active boy, with mega smarts, and YES needs stimulation, and has ADHD traits. But we can live with that. We wanted our boy back(who went away fast with meds).

I felt like I'd much rather have a happy, hyper kid, who needs to learn some self control, than a zombie. Don't get me wrong. Every child is different, and I'm not implying that all kids who are medicated are zombie-ish. This is just what happened with my kid. I do feel that when kids are medicated and don't really need to be the proof is evident. For my son it was very clear that meds were not the answer.

So a year later I still have a super smart, active, lacking self control, and maturity kid. LOL I love him to death! But, I need to figure out how to be a big kids' mom! I feel like all I do is get on him. He's constantly pushing my buttons, and at times my 5 year old has more self control than he does?! I know he's reaching the age where his hormones are out of wack, and he has mega mood swings. One minute he's sporting a perma grin and the next minute he's flying off the handle, and crying about something. HELP!

I want to soak up every minute I have. I'm blessed that he's not tired of me yet. He still wants to hang out with me, and spend time with me. Pretty soon he's going to forget I exist. So how do you get through this stage?

The age gap between the boys is no help. My expectations for the two of them are so different. With 6 years apart, I'm sure they always will be, but I think that's hard for him to understand sometimes. I see that he tries to get away with 5 yr. old behavior a lot. And a 11 yr. old acting like a 5yr. old is just not ok! It's a tough balance for me right now.

I want to be patient, kind, loving, and offer him grace all day long, but mostly, I just yell.

I want to raise him up with confidence, and I hate that I feel like I'm "beating him down" all the time.

Lord, Help me be the mother I need to be.

Now link up and share your confessions!



At July 5, 2010 at 9:54 AM , Blogger Jessica said...

I feel the same way with my son very often and he'll be 8 next month. I can already imagine the road ahead if I can't figure out a way for me to find peace while trying to raise a very active and interested boy.

I'm guilty of being a nagging mom and I want to stop. We'll just keep praying together!

At July 5, 2010 at 10:05 AM , Blogger Shell said...

Sometimes, I already feel like I'm beating my kids down- and they are 5 and younger!

At July 5, 2010 at 11:23 AM , Blogger Karen Mortensen said...

I am not sure what to say becuase I really have no experience here. I think order and consistentcy(sp) are very important in this case. I learned that with my son. ADHD is very common and I am sure there is stuff on the web about it. I know that if you keep in tune with the Lord that he will help you out also and lead you to the right answers. My thoughts are with you and I am here for you. Good luck.

At July 5, 2010 at 3:22 PM , Blogger Mama Hen said...

You are being a great mother by caring so much to keep on him when you have to. It is very hard and perhpas you don't feel good about it, but it is because you care and love him so much. Believe me Adrienne, he will know this when he gets older. He may not show it now, but he knows that you do what you do and say what you say because you love him! Hang in there!

Mama Hen

At July 6, 2010 at 7:12 AM , Blogger Life Without Pink said...

OMG my 4 yr old is super active, has no attention span and basically is a wild maniac. I was hoping it will get better, but maybe not? You are being the best mom you know how. As long as you love him and give him support he'll find his way...might just take awhile :)

At July 6, 2010 at 10:52 AM , Blogger Seizing My Day said...

I am sure you are being a bit hard on yourself!! =) I have an 8 and 9 year olds and there are times when I feel like that.... when you feel like there is more half empty and half full conversations! I have bought books and read some... I have prayed... and I try to start digging out the positive and praising that... when I correct I try asking questions instead of telling them... "are you being kind to your brother" .. "are you arguing with me" .. that kind of thing... it is crazy... but the question mode really brings us all back to our happier place! oh... and saying... " I really need your help... will you do laundry WITH me" or whatever.. anyway... I am not at the 12 year old stage... nor am I an expert of any kind.. but if you have not tried the question thing... give it a whirl!? =) Stopping by from Sits... glad I did! ;)


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