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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

PYHO-Boundaries

There's a spark that just isn't there anymore.
I've given so much of myself. I've put in all of the effort.
I've gotten nothing but a broken heart in return.

There are some relationships that just can't be fixed. By fixed I mean return to the way they were. Although, I've forgiven that person and I'm no longer angry for the way they treated me. I didn't forget the hurt they caused. In a lot of ways I'm still hurting. They never acknowledged they were wrong, and just try to act like nothing ever happened. So frustrating.

I'm trying not to hold a grudge or keep anger in my heart, but I can't seem to get rid of the hurt. I have forgiven them, and I treat them with love and kindness when I see them. But, it doesn't take much to remind me how awful they made me feel, and I don't think I will ever be able to return to the kind of relationship we had.

The kind of realtionship where I gave my friendship. I shared my heart, and all things personal. I gave genuine hugs, and a smile. I had a contagious joy that they loved...looking back I feel like I was used. Have you ever had someone use you for your personality? Someone who just wants a piece of your joy.

It was the kind of relationship where I put in all the effort, and I was taken for granted.
It was a relationship that wasn't fair to me. I had unhealthy expectations, and I found myself hurt over and over, and the last time I was so upset for weeks that I realized it wasn't healthy for me.

So now it's different. Although I'm cordial, I have a wall up and I keep my distance. I give less of myself, and share nothing personal. I still smile and hug, but there's a spark missing. This is not done out of anger, but for a healthy protection of myself. I don't want to be hurt again.

Now I have boundaries.  

18 Comments:

At August 4, 2010 at 10:00 AM , Blogger Sara said...

Setting boundries is so hard for me.... but getting over something all the way, and not putting a wall up, is WAY harder. It's so disapointing to be hurt by someone you trust. I'm so sorry!

 
At August 4, 2010 at 10:50 AM , Blogger Shell said...

I can definitely relate. I wrote a PYHO a few weeks ago sort of in the same theme.

After so much hurt, I can't just go back to a relationship and have it be the same. I don't have anger(so I say that I have forgiven), but I can't really forget, so the relationship changes.

 
At August 4, 2010 at 3:27 PM , Blogger Ruby@Ruby'sMusings said...

I have had such a relationship and I too had to finally just say enough! I tried to do that once, and went back, feeling badly, but this time it has stuck. I still miss the person from time to time, but I know I have to stay away! Thanks for sharing!

 
At August 4, 2010 at 3:50 PM , Blogger Jessica said...

I can definitely relate to having this type of relationship with someone that I was once fairly close to. It's a sad, sad thing, but the best part is that we're both able to admit that we can't keep fueling the relationship. Sometimes it just isn't there and it has to be let go!

 
At August 4, 2010 at 5:39 PM , Blogger Mothers' Hideaway said...

I feel like this all the time. I tend to give too much of myself and I care too much and then I get forgotten or dropped. It's interesting because when I need support I've never expected support and those people don't know what to do...so they leave. *hug*

 
At August 4, 2010 at 5:54 PM , Blogger { L } said...

Wow, I could have written this post with things I've been feeling lately. Hugs to you! <3 It is hard...boundaries are always so hard too. Thank you for sharing and helping me see I'm not alone.


PS ALSO....ahhhh!! I'm the worst blogger ever, LOL. You left a comment on a picnic I did about 2 months ago and I am just now getting back with you on the recipe!! (cringe) oops. :-/ Here is a link to the buttermilk fried chicken I made:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Buttermilk-Fried-Chicken-with-Gravy-2/Detail.aspx

And I am so sorry it took me so long. :(

 
At August 4, 2010 at 8:19 PM , Blogger Karen Mortensen said...

Sorry you had to go through that. Seems like you are the better person in it. Keep going and being strong.

 
At August 4, 2010 at 11:20 PM , Blogger purseblogger said...

I can so relate to this. It sounds like something very similar I went through a few years ago. The pain and hurt I went through made me realize I needed to protect myself too. That trial was one of the hardest I've ever gone through. Good luck girl and I know you are doing the right thing. You need to protect yourself from people who don't treat you right. xoxo

 
At August 5, 2010 at 9:07 AM , Anonymous Katina said...

I can sooo relate to this! Boundaries are great things to have. I just don't institute them early enough!

 
At August 10, 2010 at 4:22 PM , Blogger Amanda said...

Sadly, I can relate. Your heart is so important to protect, and while you can forgive and continue to be a friend to them, you can't completely forget and you have to guard yourself.

I'm sorry that you have had to have relationships where you actually have to put up boundaries... I too am like this and even with family members.

 
At August 14, 2010 at 7:40 AM , Blogger Alison @ Stretch My Check said...

It is so sad when a friendship goes so wrong. It is a breakup of another kind that is often even more painful. I had that sort of break up a few months back and was very hurt for a while. I had lost my best friend.

I am sending hugs and sharing a cup of Tea with you this morning from the Tea Party. Thanks for having me.

 
At August 14, 2010 at 7:42 AM , Anonymous Sara @ Tedious Life said...

Visiting from the LBS.

I can relate to this because I went through something similar a few years ago. Setting boundaries is difficult but it seems like you did the right thing.

 
At August 14, 2010 at 7:49 AM , Blogger Kirsty said...

Hi!
Just stopped by via the lady bloggers! I've commented about your blog on the latest tea party post. :)
-Kirsty

 
At August 14, 2010 at 8:31 AM , Anonymous Miel Abeille said...

Oh man, do I know how you feel! You are obviously better adjusted than me, I'm still being a cranky-pants and whining. A LOT. I guess letting go will make myself feel better, right?

Visiting from the Social Tea. Have a great Saturday!

 
At August 14, 2010 at 9:52 AM , Blogger Nicole said...

Man.. all too familiar with that feeling. Hang in there.

Dropping by from LBS!

 
At August 14, 2010 at 10:10 PM , Blogger Christina Jeanne said...

I checked out your blog from LBS. It is good to have boundaries but I'm sorry you got hurt.

 
At August 15, 2010 at 10:31 PM , Blogger Elizabeth said...

Hey- I'm here from the Lady Bloggers Tea Party.

I think that setting the boundary is excellent. So often, as Christians (which I am assuming you are based upon your biblical reference in your header!:), we are held to a standard of always being gracious and kind.

And while you should always be gracious and kind, healthy boundaries need to be in place as well!

I? Have to do this with my father. He is not a believer and has some real issues. The boundary has to be placed quite frequently...

I congratulate you for putting it up and maintaining it. And still doing it with grace and kindness.

-Permanently At Lunch

 
At August 23, 2010 at 1:58 PM , OpenID greyzgreyz said...

Dropped by via LBS. I totally enjoyed reading through your blog. :) Keep it up.

 

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