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Thursday, December 16, 2010

A Spiritual Mismatch

Thanks for all your sweet comments yesterday about my bloggy reflections and conflicts. I'm feeling much better today. This is me. I'm not anonymous. Oh well.

I'm married to the love of my life and best friend. He's a wonderful husband and father. He's loving, kind, and generous. He works hard to provide for our family, and keep me home with our boys. We laugh together most days, and my favorite thing about us is that I can be myself around him. Goofy, moody, stressed, emotional, laughing, crying, whatever! He'll take it. He loves me for me. He's my life, my love, and my home on this earth.

Other than my heavenly Father above, my husband knows me better than anyone else. He knows my past, present, and would probably take a good gamble at my future. We do everything together.

Except one thing.

I walk a spiritual journey without him.

I have a love above all loves that he doesn't understand.

I know my Savior, Jesus Christ. He doesn't.

It's not easy, and sometimes I get discouraged.

Other times I remember that God is faithful and He is always in control!

Being married to an unbeliever is the strangest mix of emotions I can ever remember having.

I have a new and growing relationship with my God and my Savior. My relationship with the One and Only Jesus Christ brings me peace, joy, and happiness. Most days I'm brought to tears by God's grace, mercy and power, His mighty hand in my life, and His perfect plan for me.

At the same time, I struggle with feelings of guilt, anger, frustration, loneliness, and heartbreak. How can the same relationship that brings me peace, joy, comfort, and happiness also lead to so much anxiety and stress that I feel despair and sadness too?

Welcome to my world of an unequally yoked marriage.

In their book, Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage, Lee and Leslie Strobel quote pollster George Barna as saying, "that among Americans as a whole, men are less likely than women to read the Bible, attend church, contribute to a charity, agree the Bible to be true, believe in the resurrection of Jesus, or pray to God. While three-quarters of American women say religion is "very important" in their life, only about half of men would agree. Half of females say their religious views have a great impact on their lives, yet less than a third of males say the same thing. Four times more men than women identify themselves as atheists, and seventy percent of women claim to have made a personal commitment to Jesus, compared to the sixty percent of men."

I guess I'm not alone in this? It's not always the easiest thing. My friend's husband, who was once an unbeleiver, once told me in regards to my husband, "Love like Jesus does". That has always stuck with me. I can't say I always do that, but I'm trying. I remain faithful that God has a plan for us.

I wait for the Lord to bless my marriage in ways that I could never have asked or imagined! {Ephesians 3:20}

To read more about my journey as a devoted wife to an unbelieving husband click on the label "unequally yoked marriage" at the bottom of this post.

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At December 16, 2010 at 12:58 PM , Blogger Reagan said...

Wow--that sounds like a tough walk. I'm grateful to be married to a great spiritual leader and can't imagine how difficult it might be to walk alone sometimes.

But I believe in a God of hope, redemption, and second chances and I trust that He makes all things work for good for those who love him.

You are never alone. He's working in you and through you.

I'll be praying for you!

At December 16, 2010 at 4:27 PM , Blogger Faith Imagined said...

I know through friends that being married to an unbeliever can be very difficult. He sounds like an amazing guy otherwise. I'll say a special prayer for him.

At December 16, 2010 at 7:47 PM , Blogger Mama Hen said...

Adrienne I want to comment on both this and the last post. In the last one you wre talking about how you would like to share more, but were not sure how. Yes, you do not need a cute blog to have your voice heard. You have a powerful voice and all who know you enjoy reading your posts and are inspired. You do not have to clear off the counters and start over to have your blog say the things you would like it to. It is your blog to do whatever you would like to do. Your bloggy friends will follow you whereever you go with it, because they are your "friends' and that is what friends do - support you! About this particular post, I am sure it can be hard when you and your husband are not in agreement with your spiritual path. But umtimately you have to follow your path. I have been on many challenging roads, which I know you have also. I have learned that as much as we have our family and friends by our sides, we are still alone. We need to follow what is in our hearts. As long as there is a mutual respect between you two which I know there is, perhaps one day you will find a special spiritual connection that this particular journey together has created. I hope you are doing great my friend!

Mama Hen

At December 16, 2010 at 8:40 PM , Blogger Jessica said...

I can't remember if you've told me before whether or not you have read "Created To Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. I really enjoyed reading it this year and will probably read it again next year. But you reminded me of a verse that she pointed out and made understandable to me.

She applied it in detail to unequally yoked marriages, but I also think it's good advice in any marriage (as well as non marriage relationships).

"Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives" (1 Peter 3:1)

Emphasis on "without the word".

We can win our husbands for Jesus without even talking about Jesus. That scripture really woke me up to how powerful our words are. A wife's conversation can win her husband's heart!

Not baning people over the head with Jesus is still a concept that I'm regularly trying to wrap my head around. Your friend's advice, "Love like Jesus does" is exactly right!

My marriage situation isn't exactly like yours, but thankfully God's word is applicable to all of us in any situation!

At December 16, 2010 at 9:29 PM , Blogger D L McCarragher said...

Thanks for such a heartfelt and open discussion about your unequally-yoked marriage. It is a journey filled with twists and turns, but its "your journey"! I have been married for 29 yrs. in January, and was saved 7 yrs. into our marriage. I am still living in a spiritually uneven marriage. Some days are good, and others are not. God gave me a book to write 10 yrs. ago, yet it was just published in 2009. I would love to talk with you about it, and offer you a free download of the E-book version. It's titled "Mission Possible". God bless you for your honesty. God has a wonderful plan for your marriage. Keep the faith!
Please visit me at

At December 17, 2010 at 5:00 PM , Blogger Impulsive Addict said...

Yikes. What a hard thing to experience. My hubby and I both were raised in Christian families, went to church religiously, and have similar values. However, we have yet to join a church family. Although we pray and are good people, we are missing a link and it makes me sad. My daughter has been into a church only ONE TIME in one year. Pathetic.

I don't have any advice for but I think you just keep strong in your faith and everything else will fall into place.

At January 11, 2011 at 8:31 AM , Blogger kelly said...

Adrienne, it took me a long time to realize how God uses our lives to affect others. By living your life according to the Word, God will bless you and give you peace that will reflect in all that you do. Whether or not God uses that to change your husband's heart is yet to be seen. But in the meantime, you have the assurance of a relationship that exceeds all others. As much as I love my husband, I know that I cannot depend upon him to supply all my needs, but know that I can rely upon God for all things.

At April 4, 2011 at 9:22 AM , Blogger Stephanie said...

Our marriage is somewhat the same, except I am the one who does not know Christ and my husband does. I have never been closed to the idea and my husband's patience has helped me. It has helped our marriage stay strong as well.

Happy SITS day!

At June 1, 2011 at 10:03 AM , Blogger Kim said...

Wow, what a great topic. I'm not religious in the same sense as you but I am very spiritual and I do believe in a higher power. My husband? Nothing. You explained the pain of this so well. Isn't life so funny though? A great teacher.


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