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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

under the microscope

I link up most Wednesdays with Shell for her Pour Your Heart Out meme. It's one of my favorite days of the blog week. Last week I came across something special I wanted to share with all of you fellow PYHO participants.

Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
~Psalm 62:8

As soon as I saw this verse, I knew I  had to include it in my post! :)

I'm linked up today to share something that I find hard sometimes.


One of the hardest things about being a wife to an unbelieving spouse is feeling like you're always under the microscope.

My husband is loving and supportive. He probably understands me better than any one else. He doesn't hold my faults against me. ever. He's just not that kind of person.

But, that being said, I know he's watching me. It's only natural to observe someone who says their life is different because of Jesus. Well, what's so different? I wonder if he ever thinks that?

Even though he never throws anything in my face, I still feel like I can't make mistakes. It's perfectionism. I've always struggled with that. I have a heart to be the best wife and mother I possibly can be.

But, the enemy plays with my weaknesses, and gets me in the area of guilt over and over.

My actions don't always reflect my heart. Sometimes I fly off the handle. Sometimes I act like a jerk. Sometimes I yell and scream, cry for nothing, complain about the job I love...

After I calm down or snap out of it and realize I was in the wrong, I always feel awful that I didn't act like a good "christian" wife. I don't have a quiet spirit. I wish I did. I yell too much, and I can be pretty argumentative. I lack self control. I know these things are given freely to me. (Galations 5:22-23), I'm just learning how to use to them. I'm no pro!

1 Peter 3:1 tells us to "submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives." 

Sometimes I feel like I drop the ball here. 

I don't want to be too hard on myself. I know I do a great job in many areas.

I just hate messing up.

When I do, I feel like all of the good I've been doing gets canceled out.

It's hard feeling like you're being observed. It's hard feeling like you always have to be an example. It's hard to feel like you're under the microscope.


If you've missed any of the posts I'm sharing about my journey as a devoted wife to an unbelieving husband you read more below:

A Spiritual Mismatch

Some Mismatched History

Church Shopping

Change is good

For even more posts on this topic you can click on the label "unequally yoked marriage" at the bottom of this post.



At February 23, 2011 at 9:54 AM , Blogger Heidi said...

don't sweat it so much, girl. if anything, your failings are a testimony that even *Christians* are not perfect - if we were, we'd have no need for jesus, right?

thankfully, we are not expected to be, (that will probably be a relief to your hubby deep down if he's considering becoming a christian)- yes, we strive to make good choices and have self control, but ultimately that victory is only one thorugh the work of the spirit in our life.

Just continue to Extend GRACE to him (how you respond to his failings as a fellow sinner is a testimony as well) and continue to acknowledge your own need for a Savior.

i'm constantly failing in my roles too, sweetie - keep running your race - keep praying!


At February 23, 2011 at 10:33 AM , Blogger Shell said...

First of all...I love the verse!

And second: we all mess up. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

At February 23, 2011 at 11:05 AM , Blogger Karen Mortensen said...

I like what everyone has said so far. Hang in there. You are wonderful.

At February 23, 2011 at 1:58 PM , Blogger Katina said...

Keep on Keeping on! You know Satan knows your weaknesses and will use them against you. If he can get you all caught up in your head with doubt, you won't be focused! Distraction is his greatest weapon!

At February 23, 2011 at 2:39 PM , Blogger Kim said...

Sounds like you are perfectly human. It's only in dropping the ball that we learn what is right for us. I think that you need to learn to be easy and gentle with yourself. Joined to follow your site.

At February 23, 2011 at 3:55 PM , Blogger Katertot said...

I can see how that could get really trickly. It's like having an added pressure hanging over your head.

At February 23, 2011 at 4:33 PM , Blogger The No Wonder Mom said...

That's gotta be tough... But I agree that being Christian doesn't mean that we're faultless. Being Christian means that we're forgiven. And extending Love and Grace is what we're here to do.

At February 23, 2011 at 4:59 PM , Anonymous Annie said...

Yes, we all mess up! Share with him how you feel, I know he will love your honesty and appreciate how hard you work at it. It really does take a strong person to have tenacity to keep going and not give up. "Run the good race" as Paul says.

And I don't have a quiet spirit either. But I am reminded each time my temper flares up that I must "be anxious about nothing but in everything with prayers and petition and with thanksgiving present your requests to God. And his peace that transcends all understanding will guard your hearts in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians) I love that verse and I pray that it encourages you too.

Don't be anxious about how imperfect you are. Take this to our Savior's cross and give this burden to him. Your husband will not be won over by your perfection but by Christ's perfection in your imperfection.


At February 23, 2011 at 5:32 PM , Blogger Adrienne said...

I have always struggled with not wanting to make mistakes but this has not necessarily made me make less mistakes but rather it has led me to want to hide them... and that is not the solution. You need to share your weaknesses, your faults with your will feel more loved.

At February 23, 2011 at 8:23 PM , Blogger Just Another Mom of 2 said...

Agreed, we all make mistakes and mess up! I think it's hardest to give ourselves a break sometimes- when we probably deserve them the most!


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