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Wednesday, March 2, 2011

People.

People.

People can lift you up and let you down.

They can be a bridge or a road block.

In the past year I've come a long way in the people pleasing department. God has really opened my eyes to do this in the past year. He's taught me to break free from the chains of co-dependency, and walk with him. My walk in this department is sometimes a daily battle. I can see what God wants for me, and often I have to make the choice to take the narrow road. They don't call it narrow for nothin'!

Worrying too much about what other people think of me, or how I may be judged has been at the root of many of my relationships. I can honestly say that I've had to go through my own personal sifting. I had to put some of my relationships to the test (so to speak) to understand if they were really healthy for me.

In some cases it even meant setting new boundaries in some of my oldest and dearest friendships, and in other cases, setting up boundaries that should have long been in place with family members. I've had the blessing of experiencing that most of my relationships could stand up to a healthier me. Who knew?

I've also had the heartache of learning that a handful of my relationships were solely based on the effort I put into them. Once, I came to a point in my life where I realized it just wasn't healthy for me to continue the relationship the way it had always been. Which, was built on a foundation of my own co-dependency. Those are the relationships that have been hard to see weren't ever really that strong to begin with.

It's amazing how fast they can stop.

It's even more AMAZINGly hard when those relationships are actually family. The kind of relationships you must keep active, because you're called to do so, but "active" has a new look. Learning how to continue these relationships in a way that's healthy for me is hard, to say the least. I've seen that if I set boundaries and don't try to please them, there's almost no relationship whatsoever. Interesting.




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9 Comments:

At March 2, 2011 at 9:18 AM , Blogger Katina said...

you go girl! I had to learn the hard way about boundaries and when you do not set them from the jump street, it can be hard for folks to adjust. Especially co-dependent family memebers. PReach sista, walk with God and not so dependent on a certain relationship. Whoot! Whoot!

 
At March 2, 2011 at 9:35 AM , Blogger Steph said...

Good for you!! It's so difficult to change patterns in relationships sometimes...

I have had to do this in my life in recent years, as well. Primarily just with eliminating negativity. I hated what it was doing to me. One of the most significant was my MIL. The boundaries I set, she didn't like. (big surprise for a controlling person haha)

And you're exactly right...it is interesting that there is almost no relationship in some. That's how it has become with my MIL. I'm at peace with it because SHE'S missing out on our lives--her grandchildren's lives--not us.

Congrats on standing up for you!
xoxox

 
At March 2, 2011 at 11:07 AM , Blogger Losing Brownies said...

"Learning how to continue these relationships in a way that's healthy for me is hard, to say the least."

That is a difficult task for sure! It you don't find that balance though it will take a lot out of you.

 
At March 2, 2011 at 11:11 AM , Blogger Shell said...

I hear ya! Most of my friendships with people back "home" have fallen apart in the past year and a half and I realized that they were only friends out of convenience and not real connection. That hurt.

 
At March 2, 2011 at 9:38 PM , Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Yes, very interesting. Good for you! Anytime you can take a step back and make a healthy you, it's a GOOD thing!

 
At March 2, 2011 at 11:17 PM , Blogger Dysfunctional Mom said...

Sounds like you have gained a whole lot of wisdom! Good for you.
I came over from PYHO!

 
At March 3, 2011 at 12:27 AM , Blogger Tiffany said...

This post is exactly what has been n my heart lately and I whole heartedly agree with your decisions. I can relate to Shell's comment "I realized that they were only friends out of convenience and not real connection". I have realized that about friends I "had".
Great post!

 
At March 3, 2011 at 10:54 AM , Blogger MrsJenB said...

Good for you! I need to take a lesson from this. There are so many relationships in life which I feel guilty over for one reason or another, and it needs to stop. Relationships with others should add something to our lives.

I recently went through such an experience with an old friend who I wound up losing contact with because I couldn't be friends on his terms anymore. He wrote me and told me that he missed me and that he didn't understand why we weren't friends anymore. I wrote and tried to set him straight - we're still friends, I still love you, but I can't be at your beck and call all hours of the day anymore (I didn't use those words but that's pretty much the situation). And you know what? I still haven't heard back. Weeks later. Well, that's how it goes sometimes I guess. Either way, my conscience is clear.

Sometimes we just have to do things which make us uncomfortable in the short-term but save us a lot of heartache in the long run.

Visiting from Shell's!

 
At March 4, 2011 at 7:23 PM , Blogger Jessica said...

Just when I think I've gotten a grasp on understanding other people (and myself) something else pops up. I can relate to how you're probably feeling about family. It's not easy setting up perimeters around yourself (or your family) but when you do it's interesting how others react.

(I'm taking tonight to catch up on lots of blog reading... I've been so busy with coupons but tonight is my night!)

 

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