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Shocking! Or Is It?

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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Shocking! Or Is It?

So, I woke up this morning to the news that yet another marriage has been crushed by infidelity. I grab my cup of coffee to check email and this is what I see: Arnold Schwarzenegger Fathered A Child With Member Of Household Staff.


Just a couple of months ago I had dinner with an old friend and she told me about a dear friend who had just recently found out her husband of 20+ years left, ran off with another woman, and hasn't been seen since!

I've heard story after story of affairs. Long term, lying, deceitful affairs. Not that there's a level to an affair, but some of these stories are double-life crazy!

I have a few IRL life friends who have experienced similar tragedies in their marriages. Great women. Loving wives. No, not perfect, but so what!

What is going on???

I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

I'm always one to think that this will never happen to me. My husband is faithful, loving, and honest. Although, we have problems, they are not in the fidelity category. I can't imagine my husband doing that to me. He's not a flirt, he's quiet, he's always home, our marriage is important to him, our kids are important to him, I'm important to him, our future is important to him...blah, blah, blah.

But, I'm sure none of these women suspected that it would happen to them, either.

I have a dear IRL friend. She's the exact opposite. She thinks it's crazy to think it could never happen. She admittedly has trust issues. I do not.

I'd rather be naive, trust my husband with my whole heart and be wrong one day rather than spend the next 40 years waiting for him to mess up.

Even after I loose faith in humanity over a cup of coffee, I stand firm my man is different. If I'm wrong one day, then so be it. I want to trust him with my whole heart today, and I will!

Does this kind of headline strike a nerve with you? Are you one to think this would never happen, or one to think it could?



At May 17, 2011 at 8:50 AM , Blogger Steph said...

I think it's disheartening to read and learn too.

I was cheated on in my first marriage. It was devestating and destructive. My husband (now) was also cheated on in his relationship with his daughter's mother.

I KNOW without a doubt, my husband will never cheat on me. He knows I will never cheat on him. We know this. I'm grateful to have found the love of my life whom I CAN trust with my whole heart even now...

Nothing good comes from cheating. Nothing.

At May 17, 2011 at 9:09 AM , Blogger Katina said...

As someone who has unfortunately had infidelity rock her marriage to the core, I can say I totally believe that infidelity is common place. It is something that needs to be actively avoided. I agree with Steph, NOTHING good can come from cheating. God has healed our marriage but the heart ache still comes out of no where. The financial burden of the affair still hangs over us. People need to affair proof their marriages by setting up boundaries. Never say never.

At May 17, 2011 at 10:05 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

I'm with you. I'd rather trust my husband than be miserable waiting for him to mess up.

At May 17, 2011 at 12:50 PM , Blogger Hutch said...

While I've never been married, the Ex Who Broke Me did sleep with another girl while we were together and got her pregnant (I found out 8 months later). They are now married, living happily ever after. It's like out of a movie and I never thought it could happen to me. That was almost 2 years ago and I'm just now starting to feel NOT dead inside. I'd like to think it won't affect my trust in future relationships, but how could it not? As for Arnold? He's a bastard!

At May 17, 2011 at 2:39 PM , Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

I was surprised. I guess I shouldn't be, but I just like to hope that people will stick to their vows.

I love your comment on Shell's post about revisiting special moments. Let me know if you would ever like to write a Pause Life for a Moment post.

At May 17, 2011 at 5:29 PM , Blogger Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

It does strike a nerve, because I WAS one who thought it would never happen to me... and then it did.

Honestly, I understand troubles in a marriage, but I just don't understand this method for dealing with them.

At May 17, 2011 at 7:36 PM , Anonymous vivi b. said...

I am extremely saddened by this news =(

I don't know what to say and I dont think I could ever take it if my husband commits infidelity. =(

At May 17, 2011 at 7:36 PM , Anonymous vivi b. said...

I am extremely saddened by this news =(

I don't know what to say and I dont think I could ever take it if my husband commits infidelity. =(

At May 17, 2011 at 7:38 PM , Blogger Sara said...

So I think that your ability to trust your husband is admirable. My marriage had been shattered to it's core by infidelity, online (his) and emotional (mine). It's a fine line, and a slippery slope, and the rebuilding is the hardest thing ever. Sometimes reasons seem valid at the time, but there's NEVER an excuse for any kind....

At May 17, 2011 at 8:48 PM , Blogger Ms. Salti said...

I agree 100%... you can't live your life in the future, waiting for something bad to happen. One day you'll wake up and realize your life has passed you by!

At May 19, 2011 at 8:52 AM , Blogger Rach @ This Italian Family said...

Reading the comments on this post break my heart. Infidelity really is even more common than we realize. I am definitely the never-could-ever-happen-to-us mindset and I trust my husband whole heartedly just as he trusts me the same. But so many of our friends who got married the same time we did are already getting divorced and it makes me think, "Surely on their wedding day they never could've seen this coming, what changes? How does this happen?" It's heart wrenching. But like you said, I'd rather trust my husband whole heartedly than be miserable worrying about him changing into a different person and cheating on me.

At May 21, 2011 at 2:58 PM , Blogger thesisterhoodofspiritualsinglemoms said...

Trust is HUGE. You can have imperfections, flaws, and issues, but honesty is the glue. I believe I was cheated on, I couldn't prove it except that phone calls were made at very odd times, but he lied about SO many things that I trust my gut instinct a lot more than him. People make mistakes and I believe in second chances, but in my case I had to divorce him for a lot of reasons besides cheating. He became a mean drunk and me and my kids were/are scared of him. Some marriages can survive, it is really a personal matter and should be kept that way. I know we get "interested" in other people's lives, but what I hate about the Arnold and Maria thing is the invasion of privacy for their kids. I have always said you can be a terrible spouse, but a good parent. I really believe that, but he has lied to his kids all along too and they have a lot to deal with. They have to at some point feel like if he was "embarrassed" of his illegitamite child, would he ever be "embarrassed" by any of them. Her trust issues are one thing, but the kids trust issues are a much bigger problem and need to be dealt with very delicately. I say all this because my kids have severe trust issues with their dad for a lot of different reasons and it is a whole different situation than my issues with trusting a man.


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