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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Me and Tooth Fairy just don't get along.

I'm Tooth Fairy Challenged. I don't know what it is, but every time there's a tooth fairy opportunity I blow it!

Like the time my oldest lost a tooth, and we forgot to put money under his pillow. He came running in my room the next morning crying because the Tooth Fairy forgot about him. Most moms would have thought quick on their feet, grabbed a buck, and found a way to make it look like he just didn't feel it under there the first time. Me? I panicked! Then decided to come clean and tell him there was no Tooth Fairy. Child #1: Traumatized.

Or just recently when we were unpacking and my youngest found his little plastic treasure box with his tooth inside. Why the heck do we save old nasty teeth anyway?

He came running around the corner to show me his tooth. I, of course, did not think anything of it, and proudly said, "Oh, yeah! Your first tooth." My husband then shoots me the evil eye, and I realize it's weird that I would have his tooth since the Tooth Fairy takes them with her! I managed to recover by saying something like, "That's weird I wonder why she left it here? She must have dropped it on her way out?" All was fine. Whew! Child #2: Still a believer.

Then my baby lost another tooth on Tuesday.














He finds the crispy $5 bill under his pillow yesterday morning. Please, let's pause while I join you in cursing my husband for giving him $5 the first time, and now he thinks that's what the Stupid Tooth Fairy does every time!

So he's a happy camper.

Enter Mom. 

My oldest and I decide we want to order bagels from the local bagel shop down the street. Yum. This sounds like the perfect birthday breakfast since I do not have to make it. I call the order in, so I can run in and grab the bagels quickly. But, they don't take debit cards. Who doesn't take cards? I search my wallet. I see two $1 bills. Not gonna do it. I glance over at the that crispy $5 bill, and think "Perfect!" I run this by my youngest, who says...get this! I can use his $5, but only if Dad gives him $8 when he gets home. SAY WHAT?!

For some reason, this still sounds like a good idea. 1. Because I swear I have a hangover from only two glasses of wine on my date with hubs the night before am starving, and I really wanted that bagel sandwich. 2. My oldest would eat one too, and 3. My youngest would be robbing me and making a profit. Everyone would be happy!

So, we buy said bagels with my son's Tooth Fairy money, and the day moves forward.

At about 2:00PM, my youngest and I are laying on the couch because I am still convinced I am nursing the dumbest hangover ever being lazy before piano lessons. He sits up in a panic and says, "Mom! Where's my $5 from the Tooth Fairy?!" Really, kid? Didn't we work out highway robbery this morning?

I proceed to remind him he gave it to me to use at the bagel shop, he proceeds to realize that it was a bad idea, I proceed to realize the same thing.

All of sudden my little business shark doesn't care about the deal he made me, and is devastated that he lost his Tooth Fairy money. Actually, he's devastated that I spent his Tooth fairy money. He then tells me he didn't realize that when he made the deal the money he would get back from daddy isn't really the same $5 bill that the Tooth Fairy gave him, and it wouldn't be special, and he shouldn't have let me use it. "My $5 had a purple 5 on it."Oh, geesh. Here we go...

Now, if you're not already thinking that you cannot believe this story because 1. I may or may not be  hungover from two measly glasses of wine. 2. We give our kid $5 for a tooth, or 3. that I'm an idiot for all of the above, then just listen to the rest. I get even more embarrassing.

I sit up, tell my son we're going to get his $5 back, and grab his shoes! He wipes the tears, and doesn't even ask me how we will accomplish this goal, which is good because I actually do not know. We throw on our shoes, and head out in a thunderstorm to get that $5 back!

"How will we get the same $5 bill, mom?"

"If you gave it the bagel shop how will it be at the bank?"

"I don't understand what you're saying."

Neither do I kid, just sit there and be quiet while I figure out the lie I will tell you at the bank.

So the story goes like this..."Honey, the bagel shop closes early after lunch. They deposit all of the money they make that day in the bank on their way home, and I can assure you they use the same bank we do, so I'm positive your $5 bill will definitely be there."

We pull up to the bank. Get out to make a walk-in withdrawal because 1. I cannot get $5 bills out of the ATM. It only spits out increments of $10. UGH! and 2. I have to make sure the teller gives me a newer $5 bill. Ya know? The one with the purple 5? That's the one my son had, and if she gives me something different, he's definitely not going to buy this ridiculous plan of mine.

"Can I go in with you?" Sure! That will make it really easy for me to talk to the teller about this embarrassing problem we're having.


The teller is already annoyed by my weirdness.

"Oh no! I seemed to have left my driver's license at home!" Really?

She allows me to withdraw anyway with some other proofs of ID, and then proceeds to give me the $25 I asked for, but gives me 1 $20 bill and 1 OLD $5 bill. No purple 5. Oh, Lord this is so embarrassing.

"Excuse me, Miss. I'm really sorry to ask you this, but I'm having a tooth fairy 911, and I really need a $5 bill with a purple 5 on it. Ya know? The newer one?" She has no idea what I'm saying...I'm starting to sweat..."I know they exist we just had one this morning. I know this seems strange, but would you mind looking through your till to see if you could exchange this 5 for one like I'm describing?"

"Mom, do they have it? Do they have money?"

Lady please just find the darn purple $5 bill before I go into cardiac arrest!

"Do you mean this kind?"

Oh, God! YES! That's the one!

"YES! That's it, thank you!" I duck my head, grab his hand, and wink at him as I run out of the lobby! He's smiling, it was worth it.

"Mom, you were right! It was here! YEAH!"

Needless to say I will never be stepping foot in that bank again.

And,  my son thinks it's really cool that the people that own the bagel shop use the same bank we do. What a coincidence!

Labels:

25 Comments:

At June 30, 2011 at 8:11 PM , Blogger Sara said...

1st of all, Mom Of The Year.

2nd of all, your kid is a money making genius.

3rd of all, is it wrong if I don't keep my future kids teeth?

 
At June 30, 2011 at 9:44 PM , Blogger Dysfunctional Mom said...

I've been there, but I wasn't nearly as creative as you! I love this story.

 
At June 30, 2011 at 9:46 PM , Blogger Mandy said...

Absolutely hilarious! You might want to go ahead and come clean on toothfairy before the next tooth though, this could get expensive! I do agree that for all that work, you definitely deserve Mom of the Year!

 
At June 30, 2011 at 11:00 PM , Blogger Heather H said...

Ohmygosh, this was hilarious! Too funny!

And way to go, Mom! You saved the day, no matter how embarrassing it was for you!

 
At July 1, 2011 at 1:02 AM , Blogger I Am Not Superwoman said...

I am Tooth Fairy challenged too. This story was so funny! Sounds like something our family would do. Have a great 4th of July! And sign your kid up for some business classes, with his negotiation skills he will go far.

 
At July 1, 2011 at 9:13 AM , Blogger Katina said...

Love this story! I am probably so NOT MOM of the year, we told both the girls that there is NO Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or Santa. (All my hubbys idea)!! I bet you were the highlight of the teller's day!

I bet all of that running cleared your hangova!

 
At July 1, 2011 at 11:04 AM , Blogger What Now????? said...

You are AMAZING. I would have just locked myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, and waited for the next hangover to kick in. Way to go!!!

 
At July 1, 2011 at 1:51 PM , Blogger Renee said...

Hilarious! The Tooth Fairy is an epic failure at my house, so don't feel bad. The creativity you mustered (in spite of what may or may not have been a hangover ;)) is quite impressive!

 
At July 1, 2011 at 2:30 PM , Blogger Boobies said...

LMAO!!! I LOVE this! I feel like I could have written it myself.

And your son is clearly cleaver...you better keep your game tight Mom...he's gonna be a tough one to trick!

 
At July 1, 2011 at 3:32 PM , Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

This is was such fun! I am so glad I didn't have to live through it.

 
At July 1, 2011 at 5:28 PM , Blogger Jenny said...

Totally hilarious! I was smiling reading the whole post because I can see this happening to me! Way to cover though....definitely mom of the year!

Next time the tooth fairy needs to leave 4-quarters!

 
At July 1, 2011 at 10:51 PM , Blogger Nicolette said...

So funny and totally awesome mom move on your part. I love your son's negotiation skills, too cute!

 
At July 2, 2011 at 4:51 PM , Blogger Mrs. Tuna said...

$5 for the first tooth? You're setting yourself up for a pretty big super sweet sixteen party.

 
At July 4, 2011 at 12:03 AM , Blogger Sandra said...

I am so laughing out loud right now! Yes, what a coincidence that the bagel shop uses the same bank as you! Phew! And yes, I told my son the tooth fairy didn't exist, then immediately regretted it, then broke down completely and added that Santa was made up too. Mind you, it doesn't stop the little monster from telling me that the first tooth he lost the "tooth fairy" gave him fifteen bucks, so he'll be expecting approximately the same amount for the next tooth. Ummm...no, the fifteen dollars a pop tooth fairy is a moron.

 
At July 4, 2011 at 10:23 AM , Blogger Shell said...

Oh girl- I am CRACKING UP.

So something I would do. My oldest has lost 2 teeth so far... and I have forgotten his money each time, though I woke up at like 5am in a panic and got the money to him in time.

 
At July 4, 2011 at 7:17 PM , Blogger Lauren F. Boyd said...

Hey Adrienne! This post is freaking hilarious! I laughed outloud as I read - and reread - the part about your son needing to be quiet so you could figure out the lie you were going to tell him at the bank!

And like you, I'm a homeschooling SAHM and wife. I try to write when I have free time, but frankly, I'd rather be playing with my kids!

 
At July 4, 2011 at 11:41 PM , Blogger WhisperingWriter said...

Ha, this made me laugh. A lot.

 
At July 5, 2011 at 10:00 AM , Blogger MommaKiss said...

ok, laughing thru this entire story. a) for the husband giving too much for the first tooth b) for your child being so freakin' smart. nice job, mom. nice job.

 
At July 5, 2011 at 11:36 AM , Blogger Stephanie Faris said...

My stepdaughter found out there was no tooth fairy when her mom forgot to put the money under her pillow. I think she was 8 or so at the time and her mom just figured it was easier to get it all out in the open then and there. I think she "outed" all the other fun pretend things at that time, too, which made Christmas and Easter a whole lot less fun!

 
At July 5, 2011 at 12:01 PM , Blogger Amber Page Writes said...

Yep, Mom of the Year award, for sure. That was some thinking!

 
At July 5, 2011 at 10:13 PM , Blogger Melissa said...

We are on the cusp of tooth fairy land with the first wiggly teeth starting. Thank you for the excellent primer in what not to do :-) I think I shall give my kid quarters!

 
At July 6, 2011 at 10:58 AM , Blogger Kim said...

Oh my goodness this was so funny. I know that this exact kind of scenario is in my future. I've already had to steal from my oldest's piggy bank on several occassions. And he's also very detailed oriented like your son. Too, too funny!!

 
At July 10, 2011 at 3:14 AM , Blogger The Blue Zoo said...

LOL I love it! Ive definitely had to do some creative thinking/lying before. And our Tooth Fairy is very forgetful too.

 
At July 12, 2011 at 11:13 PM , Blogger Katertot said...

This was so beyond awesome. I hope that you print this post and put it in his memory book!

 
At July 18, 2011 at 12:11 PM , Blogger Claire Megalos said...

I would recommend this site to any parent looking to add some magic to the story of the Tooth Fairy. My kids loved waking up with their tooth missing and a picture of themselves with the Tooth Fairy overhead in its place. This was a wonderful experience for them and I really enjoyed making the pictures. www.mytoothfairypictures.com

 

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