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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A Glass for Grandma

My grandmother just celebrated her birthday this past week.

For the past ten years (at least!) she's been telling me that 86 was her number. She wasn't "gonna make it to eighty-seven". She had a dream years ago that she was dying, but that my grandfather told her that it wasn't her time to go yet, and he was coming back for her when she was 86.

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this story!

Call me silly, but I believed it! As much as I didn't want to, I expected to say good-bye this past year.

Last year when we celebrated her birthday I thought it was going to be her last. You can't help but think that way when someone you love so much is getting this old. You cherish the birthdays, because they might be the last.



















My grandma last year on her 86th birthday!


When I went by the nursing home to bring her a new nightgown and matching robe (it was pink with yellow butterflies), and wish her a happy birthday, it was hard for me to be happy. How do you wish someone a happy birthday when you know all they really want is to not have one?

I helped her open the package and held up the gown and robe before I hung them up in her closet. She loved it!

I think she was disappointed. Not about the gift, but her birthday in general.

She's been in a nursing home for over 6 months now. Since she moved there her health has deteriorated very rapidly. Not that she isn't getting great care, it's just the timing of it all, I guess.

When she first moved there I was heartbroken. I wasn't ready to let her get so old. I wasn't ready to say good-bye. I thought the nursing home was just the beginning to the end.

But, now that I see her there sitting in her chair, doing nothing all day, withering away, I wish she could be comfortable. I haven't prayed that the good Lord would take her if it be His will, because I think I'm afraid he'll answer my prayer.

I think she's miserable and lonely. When I visit her, I wonder what it's like to be her.
Even though she's got family and loved ones who visit everyday, I don't think it's the company she desires.

It's like she's just waiting to leave this earth. To be with friends and loved ones she's waited years to see again. She's even out lived a son. I'm sure she'd like to see him.

I hate seeing her like this. But, I love seeing her.



















This glass is for you, Grandma! Happy 87th birthday!

14 Comments:

At August 9, 2011 at 10:56 PM , Blogger Kristin said...

I lost my grandma this year at 80. Congrats to your grandma for celebrating 87, and enjoy every second you have with her!

 
At August 10, 2011 at 12:18 AM , Blogger Peeper said...

Oh, Adrienne.

I feel like the canned answer is to just say happy birthday to your grandma but there is so much more going on here, isn't there? Tears and hugs for you and your sweet grandma. Being at that stage of life, it's hard to imagine, isn't it?

With my grandma it started to feel so ...oh, I don't know ...inevitable that she would pass away. Do you let go so they can too? Do you hang on so they feel loved? I think it's right to just love.

 
At August 10, 2011 at 8:31 AM , Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

What a tough birthday! She really made plans to celebrate in heaven.

 
At August 10, 2011 at 8:44 AM , Blogger Di said...

Happy Birthday to your Grandma. Mine has lived in Poland my whole life so I've only met her a few times. I still hate the fact that as she gets older she is losing her independence. She knows that she won't get a chance to see any of us again and that was tough for all of us to swallow. I hope you soak up all the time you do have left with her!

 
At August 10, 2011 at 9:00 AM , Blogger Tara R. said...

Your grandmother is lovely and sounds like a wonderful woman. It is so hard to see our loved ones age and fight failing health. Keep visiting and keep showing her how much you love her.

 
At August 10, 2011 at 9:22 AM , Blogger NotSoSilentMommy said...

Your post just broke my heart.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful story. Let's hope your grandfather was just off by a year..
Not for your sake, but for your grandmother's.
It's really special to think that she would be excited for him to come back for her. Not many people get to experience that..

 
At August 10, 2011 at 9:23 AM , Blogger Shell said...

Happy birthday to your grandma! I have a hard time imagining what life will be like at that age. I hope that your grandma is happy.

btw- I love the disclaimer at the top of your blog!

 
At August 10, 2011 at 9:47 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

I totally understand. My mom is very sick, and she's so miserable and unhappy, as much as I will miss her, I want her to just go. She has no life the way she is living.

Happy Birthday to your grandma!

 
At August 10, 2011 at 10:09 AM , Blogger The Woven Moments said...

Grandmothers are SO special. I lost my Gam when I was 7 months pregnant with my first child and I was always saddened she didn't get to meet my children.

But I feel her everywhere. Often. And that's enough.

 
At August 10, 2011 at 11:21 AM , Blogger finallyMom@blogspot.com said...

Our Grandmas are the same age... and in a near-similar place in life. :( I should not have read this today but I'm glad I did. You're not alone in your feelings. My word is this a difficult time...

 
At August 10, 2011 at 2:43 PM , Blogger Kir said...

ooh Happy Birthday to your Grandma and my sincere wishes that you each get a little more time together and then a sweet, expected goodbye. I'll be holding you in my heart until then.
xo

 
At August 10, 2011 at 7:49 PM , Blogger Mama Zen said...

That transition into a nursing home can be so hard. My heart goes out to both of you.

 
At August 11, 2011 at 12:02 PM , Blogger Nika M. said...

I used to work in a nursing home, and it was heartbreaking to see how sad many of them were. It's not that they were sad about being old, or being sick, or about anything related to dying. Most of them were just sad to be so disconnected from the rest of the world, even with visitors.

 
At August 11, 2011 at 8:20 PM , Anonymous teacher_viviene said...

Happy Birthday, Granny! =) I don't have grandparents of both sides anymore and I miss them tons... You're so blessed to still be spending time with her =) Send her our best birthday greetings! =)

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