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Why do we judge young mothers so harshly?

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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Why do we judge young mothers so harshly?

When was the last time you offered encouragement to a young mother? Not "new" mother, but a young mother. Sometimes I forget what it was like to be a young mother. When I hear of someone that's pregnant and their situation may not be ideal I tend to put on my judgy pants. That's not right.

Those of you that have read me for some time know I was a young mother. It's not the easiest thing to go through, that's for sure. But, even though I did go through it, and know first hand how hard it is, I can still forget to remember to offer support and encouragement instead of judgement. 

Did pregnancy completely rock my world? Yes.

Was it one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through? Yes.


Was I too young? Yes.

Was I completely clueless as to how I would support myself and a baby without any help from my sperm donor. Yes! Obviously, he wasn't really a sperm donor, but that's just my humor. Sperm was the one and ONLY thing he donated! 


Did I make a ton of mistakes in the beginning? Yes. I'm not talking little bitty feeding mishaps, I'm talking dumbest mom of the year stuff. I'm not proud of those mistakes, but I did the best I could. 


Do I look back at those years and wonder how in the world we made it to here?! Yes!

When I think about my nieces who are now the same age I was when I had my first child, I hope they stay focused and smart and don't make the same mistakes I did. I Don't want them to have to go through some of the trials I did. But, that being said, I would support them 100% if they happened to call me up and tell me they were pregnant.

Because...

Was motherhood the absolute best thing that could have ever happened for me? Without a doubt!

Did it teach me to grow up, wake up, and shape up? YES!

Did becoming a mother teach me more than any college ever could? Yes!

Did it shape me into the woman I am today? Yes.

Motherhood is by far the greatest gift I have ever been given. I am a mother of two beautiful boys. A wife to an amazing husband and father. I am blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my kids, homeschool, and take advantage of all sorts of "mommy" type stuff.  I'm a thirty-something mom. I'm at an age our society accepts and respects mothers. I'm doing the "mommy" thing, and loving every minute of it!

But, a long time ago I was pregnant and 19.

God's grace is sufficient! He can do amazing things in our lives. He has the power to do anything! Even give a clueless 19 year old girl the chance to raise a child. He can turn that scared girl into a mother and a wife. He can take that life of chaos and turn it into a blessed family of four.

I know this, because He did that for me. I'm so blessed. My baby, who is now 13, is by far the best thing I ever did! then six years later I got to do it again. Praise God! I love being a mother.

If you know a young mother, or mother-to-be offer her some encouragement. Today just might be the day she really needs it.

wine bottle
Write from the heart with Shell at Things I Can't Say!

I couldn't resist grabbing the original Pour Your Heart button! 
We love you, Shell, and we LOVE your meme!

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17 Comments:

At January 4, 2012 at 9:37 AM , Blogger Lady Goo Goo Gaga said...

Very nice sentiment, it's true that we should be nicer to young mothers!!!!!

 
At January 4, 2012 at 9:49 AM , Blogger Jessica {Team Rasler} said...

So true. I wonder, too, how often people judge the moms of the those young mothers. It must be hard to be young grandparents, too. All in all, support and understanding go a lot farther than judgment. Now if only I could always remember that myself... : )

 
At January 4, 2012 at 9:50 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

I try not to judge. My SIL was pregnant at 18 and so was my MIL. Unfortunately, my MIL doesn't seem to remember that part of her life.

Age doesn't make a mother. :)

 
At January 4, 2012 at 10:15 AM , Blogger Barbara said...

A very nice post. I had a lot of friends who were pregnant in high school and college so I know how hard it can be. I do agree with Lisa though, age does not make a mother.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 10:19 AM , Blogger Shell said...

In this town, the young moms are the majority. I'm ancient around here(34 for anyone who is reading this and doesn't know me).

I marvel at how they can do all they do.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 10:19 AM , Blogger Shell said...

Oh, and btw, I totally love seeing the old button... maybe I need to switch back.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 10:24 AM , Blogger Kristen said...

Such a true statement. We don't give people enough credit. There are SO many sacrifices a young mother makes. You are a great role model and I'm happy to know you. Kristen

 
At January 4, 2012 at 11:22 AM , Blogger angela said...

What a great sentiment. It's often the people we judge the most harshly that really NEED our support the most. I will tuck this into my pocket and remember it.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 12:00 PM , Blogger Hutch said...

Funny we were just talking about my cousin over the holidays who had a baby on her 20th birthday. The father's a bit more than a donor, but not by much. She wasn't in a place to raise a baby at the time, but she is such a fantastic mother! 10 years later her daughter is doing great.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 12:12 PM , Blogger Di said...

My sister had her first of 4 kids at 18. She is married to the daddy of all 4 and getting pregnant with #1 was the best thing that could have ever happened to her. It made her calm down and prioritize her life. He was and is such a blessing!

 
At January 4, 2012 at 12:57 PM , Blogger Kathy Kramer said...

I was a young mother myself. I had my son when I was 21. I also married young, too, but not because I was pregnant at the time. And for awhile I was a SAHM in my 20s as well. And I was judged for it. I was often the youngest mom there. My son is grown up now. He turned 20 last October.

The judging, sad to say, doesn't stop. Although, when you're my age and your kids are grown up, I think there is a bit of envy in there because you're 41 years old and your still young enough to have a life and you still have the energy to do those things you put off, and they're 41 with young kids in the house. I guess it evens out in the end. I sacrificed my youth to raise a child and now get to enjoy middle age, while they partied in their 20s and are raising the kids when they are older. I think I have more fun and appreciate things a lot more now than I would have if I'd gotten partying and traveling out of my system before getting married and having kids.

I also appreciated having more energy to chase a toddler around. I don't think I could do that now.

Good luck!

 
At January 4, 2012 at 1:00 PM , Blogger Kathy Kramer said...

BTW, my son's girlfriend is a young mother (she has a child with an ex-boyfriend). She was a high school senior. Young mothers need our support, not our scrutiny. I had no support system in place when I was younger.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 1:17 PM , Blogger Pam said...

Nice post. Young mothers need help, not judgement.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 1:58 PM , Blogger Adrienne said...

Love this post - for the specific example and the general sentiment. I think that learning not to judge others...but to accept them, learn from/with them and celebrate that we're all in this thing called life together...well, I think learning all that is vital to a happy life. Especially as paretnts. Toughest job...why do we feel the need to cut each other and/or {God forbid...and he does!} each other's kids down? Thanks for these great thoughts!

 
At January 4, 2012 at 2:11 PM , Blogger JDaniel4's Mom said...

Thank you for the reminder! You are so right about being blessed!

 
At January 4, 2012 at 3:07 PM , Blogger MiMi said...

What a beautiful post, friend.

 
At January 4, 2012 at 9:49 PM , Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

my oldest sister had her first while she was a senior in HS, when I was 14, so I know (kind of) of tough it is for those young mothers...whenever I'm feeling super judgy I try to remember my sister...

 

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