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Wednesday, February 8, 2012

When your parenting isn't working...

If you're new here, Welcome! Stick around after reading today's post and get to know me. Be sure to subscribe by RSS or email to be sure not to miss a thing!

The boys are steamrolling me!

No one realizes how fantastic they have it. I mean really. They sleep until 7:30 every morning while other kids are rushing to catch the bus or already at school! They get hot meals three times a day, go on a zillion field trips, and have nearly half the work load of public school kids, and all they do is complain!

This is SO hard...

Why did you give me so much work?

What!? I can't play video games all day?

Why do we have to play outside? It's hot out there. 

I don't like that.

You didn't tell me to.

I'm hungry.

I'm tired. 

Um. No. I think you're spoiled. 


What happened to the good old days when kids helped out, played outside, and respected their parents?

For my kids?

Clean clothes magically appear in the drawers, food magically appears on the table, bedrooms never get dirty, and the toilets must swish themselves, because there's never anything growing in them.

What's that? You don't like what we're eating?

That's ok, sweetheart. I will make you something different. 

I've made some parenting mistakes. Who hasn't? 

SO perhaps my kids are spoiled? Maybe they have it too good? Maybe they need a reality check?

I recently read a great post over at Kludgy Mom about how reward systems don't work for her, and she's right! They don't work for me either. They are more work for me. Um, no thanks. And they never seem to help. My kids just figure out how to manipulate the system to make it easier for them.

So, here's to good old fashioned parenting.

Get the things you like when you do the things you don't!


I'm not making any announcements. I'm not calling a family meeting to bring this new mentality to their attention. I think they'll just figure it out.

They're smart.

There's not going to be any stickers, charts, or money.

It's so simple. Why didn't I think of this before?

When your schoolwork is done, you can play.

When your room is clean, you can use your ipod.

Help me and I'll help you.


When what you're doing isn't working.

Be meaner!

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At February 8, 2012 at 9:55 AM , Blogger christina said...

a) i LOVE the photo. :D
b) i never really understood the whole reward system- cuz it just wasn't even an offering in our home growing up. call me mean, but i'm hoping to avoid it all together and just go for being the mean mom from the get go.
c) of course i say that now when my girl is only 2. ;)

At February 8, 2012 at 10:04 AM , Blogger Maggie S. said...

100% right!!! Quite frankly, the same things are on my mind this morning, and you said it well.

At February 8, 2012 at 10:19 AM , Blogger Lisa said...

The reward system always seems to backfire, and mine is extremely basic. Like -- if you eat your dinner, you'll get a cookie.

And somehow, they get a cookie either way.

At February 8, 2012 at 10:31 AM , Blogger Barbara said...

I'm against the reward system. I think it only backfires, this coming from a child who was raised on this kind of system.

At February 8, 2012 at 10:36 AM , Blogger I Am Not Superwoman said...

We dont do reward systems in our house either. Tried them several times, several different ones to no success. Like you said creates more pressure and more work for an already overloaded mom. There are certain expectations that need to be met and no reward given (other than some positive praise). Cleaning up after yourself, being respectful, keeping your room clean, homework done, etc...

At February 8, 2012 at 11:28 AM , Blogger Amiee said...

You are not alone, my friend.

My youngest daughter just told me to "STOP TALKING!" because I was trying to explain something to her in school. Excuse me?!

My girls fight over whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher, or let the dog out. Other than cleaning their room (who are we kidding?) they really don't have any other responsibilities. I have told them that they have it VERY good compared to their friends. And still....they complain. Ugh!

At February 8, 2012 at 12:06 PM , Blogger Cindi said...

I love Little House on the Prairie. (LoL)

My kids are teens now and pathetically spolied so I'm learning the errors of my ways. Working on it hoping it's not too late. (LoL)

At February 8, 2012 at 12:44 PM , Blogger Our Side of the Mountain said...

I think I've tried every reward system out there...and not one has worked long term. They work for 2-3 weeks...if I'm lucky, but after that - nope! I've gone to "Do your work well (school and chores) with a positive attitude and later you'll get to watch TV/play sports/watch a movie/etc." It DOES work better, but you have to be consistent.

At February 8, 2012 at 2:19 PM , Blogger Not a Perfect Mom said...

we don't do a reward system...
we expect our kids to do what they're told...not that that always works...but we're hopeful...ha!

At February 8, 2012 at 4:20 PM , Blogger Katie said...

I really love the last two lines of this post!! I was starting to think I was doing something wrong with my rewards program... but your right, It just doesn't work!

At February 8, 2012 at 4:25 PM , Blogger Shell said...

Good luck with this!

At February 8, 2012 at 5:09 PM , Blogger MiMi said...

Seriously true!
We don't do a reward system either...I let you live today, therefore, you owe me. JUST KIDDING! lol

At February 8, 2012 at 8:52 PM , Blogger Dionne said...

Hahahaha...As a teacher we all call your style of discipline love and logic. It is like "A" doesn't happen until "B" doesn't happen. Love it!
We need more parents like you who are not homeschooling there kids...would be so much easier. Great post!

At February 9, 2012 at 4:14 AM , Blogger Lyosha said...

same goes to me. I've never got it and probably never get already.

Inside and Outside Blog

At February 9, 2012 at 10:16 AM , Blogger Di said...

My mom cleaned and cooked for us but something must have rubbed off because we all ended up clean freaks just like she was. Or maybe it was from the time she charged me an hourly rate when it took her three hours to clean my room?

At February 9, 2012 at 10:36 AM , Blogger Kathy Kramer said...

I never did the reward system, but on the other hand, my son was little in the days before Super Nanny and stuff like that. I'm glad I didn't, because I (personally) think that all it does is it sets kids up to expect a reward for showing up when real life doesn't work like that. To me, it's counterproductive to teaching kids responsibility.

At February 9, 2012 at 5:27 PM , Blogger Peeper said...

I have a great book that my mother-in-law gave me called Making the Terrible Twos Terrific. It pretty much takes a whole book to say what you so nicely and succinctly put in a blog post!

The parenting mistake I need help to overcome is the one where I'm so freaking worn out that I just give in. It's gonna bite me in the butt one day soon, I know it.

At February 10, 2012 at 7:45 PM , Blogger Missy said...

You and I are totally on the same page - that's how I'm doing life now too. I'm all about giving everyone a voice in our home, but that voice doesn't come with not having responsibility, you know!??

At February 10, 2012 at 11:29 PM , Blogger Kristen said...

I'm so with you here... My kids get 3 meals a day. Breakfast- lunch - dinner. Eat, or don't eat. I don't care. Even though my PYHO post was how I'm screwing them up - we are still pretty strict about some things. We do hug often. But, when it comes down to it - I'm the boss. (unless you ask my kids.. then they will tell you they are. :)

At February 11, 2012 at 9:32 AM , OpenID embracingthespectrum said...

You're right. Kids these days really don't work hard for what they get. I commend you on your new edict.


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